Suicidal Thoughts : My Experience

After being diagnosed in 2016 with PCOS, I guess that’s when things started to go downhill. I cried almost everyday, stayed in bed all day long and was sad most days. I’ve heard people say that suicide is selfish. Coming from that place and state of depression, in my mind it seemed like the answer to all my problems. For me, I wanted peace. The sound of nothing was appealing and I wanted it bad.

Hearing people say say that “your life is great” or “you have no reason to be sad”, only makes it worse sometimes. Even hearing someone say that everything is going to be alright, triggers me. How do you know? Those statements make my mind drift into a place. A place where I’m sad and want peace. Thoughts come into my head, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

My thoughts were either to run away to a beautiful country, relax on the beach  and be happy or maybe if i just commit suicide, I would have no worries, stress and i’ll be at peace. An ESCAPE from my life was what I was looking for. The thing is even though I had suicidal thoughts, I didn’t want to harm myself. I’m in a good place now. I’ve accepted my diagnosis and learning to live my best life. Sometimes I still get triggered, I have my bad days and I have my good days.

8 thoughts on “Suicidal Thoughts : My Experience

  1. I was diagnosed and my husband and I were trying to start a family and the severity of my pcos has prevented that for us and so I understand how you felt. I think what helped me overcome the sadness was focusing on the good things in my life. It’s certainly not easy to do that especially when your thoughts are so consumed but it eventually becomes easier and easier . Keep your chin up!

  2. I had these thoughts when I lost my sister, she was my best friend.. Looking into the grave when they laid her to rest, all I wanted was to join her.. But the love from my parents and siblings and friends gave me courage. And I knew that my sister wouldn’t love to see me sad

  3. Was it your diagnosis what caused you to become depressed or were you depressed already and the diagnosis just make things worse? Sorry if the question seems weird. I don’t understand much about PCOS.

  4. Thank you for this. I have recently begun writing my experiences with severe depression after being hospitalized in April. It was a month after my third chemical pregnancy. Mental illness and fertility issues are such taboo topics, but they often go hand in hand and need to be spoken of. It’s hard, and the road is difficult. However, taking one step at a time with help, we can balance our worlds.

    –Sarah Drinks All the Water

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